Lachrymose Reality of Being a Military Partner

I miss my jowa.. Badly!

My bf has been gone since thursday.. And this video destroyed me. He will be gone for 7days. Wottt?! Just 7days and Julie you're acting as if he'll be gone for years!, someone told me.. I just shrugged.. Wish I can make those people fathom who are giving the same remark how hard for me (/us, military partners) to let go of him so that he could go fight for people that he didn't know, people that sometimes do not appreciate or understand what they are fighting for! A lot of people misunderstand the military partners.. Saying that we knew what we were getting ourselves into. But when you're in love, when you truly love someone, you're willing to make sacrifices, and military partners know this better than ANY civilian partners. Its not that we think we're better than civilian gfs (or wives), its just, well its hard to explain, and much harder to understand if you aren't in our shoes..

 
A month ago, today my entire life changed forever. It was September 12, which is a significant day to us for so many other reasons but it just so happened to be the day that I was driving away from everything I had ever known and everything that was comfortable to me.

Jumping ahead to now. Our alarm clock goes off every morning by 5 (at the latest.) My dear gets up and get dressed. He is not in a suit and tie. He is not in jeans and a casual shirt. He puts on his cammies, rolls his sleeves and blouses his pants into his boots. He is not wearing cowboy boots or work boots. He laces his combat boots. He does this everyday. We dont know when his lunch break is everyday, and we definitely dont know if he'll be home by supper time.

I have to watch him spread piles and piles of green and brown gear all over our house while packing it for training that is taking him away every month for at least 2 weeks at a time. This will go on from now until April..

This is not a game. We are not playing war here. We are in a war. Our relationship, which we are just starting to build, is already separated, torn apart, run through the mill and put in danger in more ways than one because of the war that this country is fighting. We are emotionally, spiritually and physically challenged as a couple during this time and so many others. I am not writing this to bring glory to him, or our relationship. I am writing this because the reality is, I have a pride for the strength that we have gained during this time. I am proud to look at him and know that he is sacrificing so much, not only for his country but for God who has called him for this specific season to do His will. Anthony is a United States Army to win souls to the Lord and that is exactly what he has done with his time in the military. But by doing that, he has also had to stand and act as an Army above everything else. He is a great partner, an amazing friend and a fine, fine Army.

Sometimes it doesn't feel real, even with gear that still smells like other countries hanging in our closets, "tank crossing" signs on the streets that we travel on, and piles upon piles of dirty boots in our front closet. Even with a million chevrons laying around this house, certificates of promotion hanging on our walls buried in camouflage. Even with all of that, I forget that I am part of his military career now.

It is hard. It is hard to stay at home alone for 24 hours while he serves duty. It is hard to stay at home alone for weeks or months at a time while he leaves for training. It is hard to hear his voice on the other end of the phone during that training and know that soon he wont be coming home after a few weeks. Soon, it will be months, and soon there will be a 3 second delay over the phone lines when we are trying to hold a conversation. It is hard hugging him for the last time, watching him try to be strong for ME while I cry when really he's dying inside. It's even harder watching him walk away, knowing that when he turns his back to me his tears are also falling and yet I can't run after him. It has to be "see you later" for that time. And yet its even harder knowing that "see you later" becomes forever. We have learned to never say goodbye. Its too real. Its too difficult.

However, as hard as all of that is...sadly, we have gotten very good at it. It never gets easier, don't get me wrong. In fact, I feel it is harder and more stressful now because we know the feelings and emotions we are going to feel and yet we cant avoid them. In essence, we try to prepare for them, only being shot down by feelings that have no preparation.

I write this today to remind myself of why we are doing what we are doing. Him, who at that time was just on his early 20's, wanted to become an Army and fight for this country. I am in love with him and therefore I will stand beside him through this journey. Sometimes I tell him that "I did not want to sign 'the dotted line'." However, in a way, I truly did. He wanted this, I wanted him and so we have traveled this road together. It has been a good journey. I am proud of this man. I am proud of Soldiers, Marines, Airmen and Sailors. I am proud of this country even if this is not my home.

I am left behind but I truly feel like I am doing my part to win this war as well. I am standing by him and supporting him while he leaves to do what has to be done. I will hold down the fort, raise up my hands, and bow to my knees. I will do these things so that men like my him can continue to fight for what we believe in and stand against the evil that the rest of the world is bringing into our homes. I can sleep peacefully at night knowing that we are standing firm for what we believe and we are accomplishing more than we know. I am honored to lay next to a man who can humbly say that he has done his part. I will forever be grateful to him for those things and although I dont tell him enough, I am blessed to have experienced this journey with him. It has been a long, hard, emotional road, but in the end I truly hope that we can say it was worth it.

God bless our troops. He is my hero along with so many more. We should all daily pray for the safety of these brave men and women who give so much. In fact, many dont realize just how much they give and what exactly they leave behind. They leave women like me (and children) to better this country. They do it for you! They do it so that your partner and children dont have to. They do it because God uses them and they do it because it has to be done.